Monday, August 7, 2017

But Yes, But No, But Yes - Not Knowing What You Want in Life

You know what's worse than not getting what you want? Not even knowing what you want! Welcome to my world - the struggle of being an indecisive person.

It's a paralysing feeling to be stuck feeling like you aren't getting what you want but also not really knowing what you want.

Get ready to take a weird glimpse into what goes on in my head...

I never thought I was an indecisive person until I started to ask myself the hard questions like "what kind of career do you really want?" and "what do you want to invest in- stock, housing, travel". I really don't know the answer to either of these questions.

I think a lot of the time you take so many opinions and considerations into making a decision, it can be hard to separate what you really think and what you think you should be doing based on what other people tell you.

I thought I had it all figured out in high school. I wanted to graduate and do a double degree of journalism and law at QUT.

Then I didn't want to do the law part. Then I did my first year at Griffith and not QUT.
Now that I've graduated my Journalism degree I no longer want to do Journalism...
At this rate, I'm getting nowhere fast so I'm bloody lucky I'm only 21 and still have time.

I'm in a valuable position where I can be anything and do absolutely anything I want. Just a slight problem - I'm hopelessly unsure of what I want.

The more I think I want something, the quicker I find out I don't because it isn't what I thought it was and I'm honestly not willing to put up with it.

It leads into what I've been reading in Mark Manson's book - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*uck. He talks about making a decision on what is worth struggling for. What will you put up with in order to achieve what you want out of life? Because I ask myself what I want to do and be but ultimately the cons outweigh the pros for me and that's how I know it isn't right. Now, don't think this is the case because I'm lazy or I can't handle any form of suffering. I just don't deem the negatives as justifying the positives enough to want to pursue it...

For my career I struggle with debates in my head like;
Do I want to go into politics? I have too much of a personality and I'm not willing to sacrifice being a sarcastic, wild and lame joke teller.

Do I want to be a journalist? Traditional media is dying and I have no interested in being part of someone else' start up venture into online journalism - I want to call the shots.

Do I want to work in marketing? Yes but I want to market my own products of choose my own clients. I want the freedom and flexibility to make the decisions and work on what I want to work on.

For my life I go back and forth with concepts such as;
Do I want to travel and live overseas? Yes. But now or later?

Do I want to buy a house in Brisbane and invest? Yes. But how does that link with my moving overseas?

So I'm endlessly stuck in this vortex of thinking I want something but ultimately deciding I don't. And the end result... I don't know what I want. I can't decide. There's so much I want to do, it's just what do I do first and how do I go about it.

I just thought I would vulnerable for a moment and talk about what's on my mind since some of you might be struggling with the same thing...

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