Monday, October 22, 2018

Real Talk - I’m Incompetent at Washing and Drying Clothes

So I like to think I’m pretty well adjusted at this whole “adulting” thing. That is until it rains in Brisbane for a week straight and I’m faced with a mountain of washing asking the question “what do I do with this stuff” and simultaneously “what kind of snacks are in the cupboard?” because I’m perpetually hungry – but that’s beside the point.

This is a loaded question, not only because there are SO many snack options, but because by “mountain of washing” and “stuff” I mean some of it has been in the washing machine already and has sat in a basket for 3 days…so… it smells like mould. I consider my options – throw it all out and start a new wardrobe or re-wash it? I decide to try the latter. What’s the worst that could happen right? I end up walking around smelling like mouldy clothes? Probably.

It’s still raining so I call my mum and (cry…just kidding it’s not at that point yet) I ask her to use her dryer. I then load up my car with all these wet clothes and towels en route to my family home. I wind down the windows.  

When I get there is when the challenges really begin.

I walk into the laundry and realise the dryer is upside down and on top of a fridge….my mum is just as weird as I am so I don’t question this seemingly unusual placement of electrical appliances.

“Is this thing plugged in?” I ask mum. I also awkwardly have one leg on a stool and the other propped up on the washing machine in a stance that enables me to haul my wet clothes from the basket to the dryer. Yes, apparently, it’s permanently on at the wall at all times. Okay so it’s do I get it to start drying my clothes that are now trapped in the machine? What kind of witchcraft is this?

Here is where I begin to question my competency as a human while simultaneously realising that I have relied on my mum to wash my clothes most of my life. A dark realisation at age 22. Wow I really should be more thankful for her – she is a clothes washing and drying wizard.

“Which way do I turn the dial?” This question is actually valid because as we established, the dryer is upside down and on top of a fridge. I received an answer of silence to this question. I assume she was too busy googling if you can give up a child for adoption at 22? Fair call.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, this story doesn’t end there. So, while standing on a stool to reach the dryer, because I’m that short, I proceed to turn the dial the wrong way a few times (again, why is this thing upside down and on a fridge). We then have movement. Cool, let me just slowly back away now and hope this thing works.

Narrator: It did not work.

I returned from the movies to find my washing still partly damp. Damn it, I didn’t turn the dial enough. It is now I realise those numbers on the machine signify minutes and I only put it in for like 50 minutes. This is when I come to the epiphany that drying clothes takes like HOURS and that’s why it uses up so much electricity. And that’s why people hang their clothes out. And why mum always says not to use the dryer. Invaluable realisation really – it’s like my whole childhood makes sense now from this newly learned piece of information.

What do I do? I call it a day because that was traumatic enough. I come home with my partly dry clothes feeling unaccomplished and to a boyfriend who comments “these clothes are still wet” and looks at me like the incompetent child I am.

So what’s the lesson here? When it’s raining – simply don’t wash your clothes. Wait for a sunny day to hang them out on the line and hope your dog doesn’t rip them down and eat your underwear OR leave it to your wizard mum to fix your clothes washing disaster because you, my friend, can not successfully wash and dry clothes to save your life. 

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